I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize