Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
