So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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