Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
