look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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