yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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