Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
