And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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