just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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