Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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