take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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