Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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