I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love you.
Bad choice
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