I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i think i just lost a toe
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
