did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
