I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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