I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
