omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
