my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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