I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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