god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
