i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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