and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
