I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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