Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I need to stop coming to work sober
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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