oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
