he thought i was a dude.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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