If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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