I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
