oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
