I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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