Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
