i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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