One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
