After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
