I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
