you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
