I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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