I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
