I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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