I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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