Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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