I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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