Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
