She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
