U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize