If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
