There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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