It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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