I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize