The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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