i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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