I want to make a zoo with you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
