i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
