Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
