We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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