1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
