I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize