Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
