this beer tastes like vomit already
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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