Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
