Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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