rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
