I don't usually arrange sex via text message
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
