I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
