I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
