I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
