That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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