remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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