foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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