oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
