I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
