I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
