I'm going to jail i love you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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