Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize