happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
