i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
