I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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