If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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