Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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