she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
