You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
