So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
