i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
