Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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