I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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