wanna go halves on a baby?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize