Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
