morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
