Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
