Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
