im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
