I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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