i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize